Loving into you
getting down to the bones of it
chewing through the marrow of feelings
lost at sea
looking for the core belief holding me here
inbetween my desire and fear
of what this is
I want of you
or is it me
just how to feel
all of this
the substance of dreams
 hedging bets
wagering my own simplicity

for or against
set course time will take us
the definite infinite
I turn inside
my own grave
waiting
to get it
because
we can't stand it
our legs buckle under the weight
of everything gone
the ground opens
and I let you in.

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Image from explodingdog.com

Changing states of matter,
like I could care
for "matters of the state"
my sarcasm smoulders
like it mattered
that I haven't fallen out of love with you
yet.

But we dreamed for real
tender forevers now
tied to this chair with wheels
so tired, but my eyes wont close
They eat you alive
swallowing megabytes
patterned in light.

solid liquid gas
copy paste repeat
we make it up, spin this web
bevieve it hard enough to prove that it must be true
scattered through cyberspace
my insides spilling all over the place
too late to be sorry

So I google
relentlessly
for answers
to questions I don't know how to think of yet
as if my head was Gods
fleshy machine
of Love

twisting feelings into fire
as if my life depended

God laughs, shaking his head at me
raising just one eyebrow
universes expand
just so,
how could I resist
this invitation.

"I guess it's just us"
he jests
knowing how I still have trouble
remembering
that he planned it like this all along.

And I blush under the weight of my own humanity
Death wearing my body out
ashes to dust.
Drinking holy water
Salty tears
blood of the sea
                                       of all the things I want to need;
even this
he gives ( and Forgives) me.

Breathing through new understandings
How everythings on purpose here.
    This feeling pushing up from inside
ready to burst my heart wide open;
not a crack left to hide me,
And I dream I might hold this in
While I worry about leaving
a stain on his holy carpet.

holding fort unto myself
 unitl theres nothing left
the plots end here
but still alive and twisting
to draw me in
shaking hands
with fear itself set free
he throws me back
To make his One wish again
for you.